“The Infj Unraveled explores key ideas related to psychology, presented clearly and practically.
Only INFJs truly know themselves well enough
to understand another person with the same
personality type - and so today, we’re going to
be unravelling the INFJ using deep self-analysis
explanations from a tried and true INFJ Blog
called the “INFJ Unraveled by Wendy Neeld”
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Let’s dive right into the video starting with:
many things. I am passionate about a variety of
topics. But the things that are most dear to me,
the things that are too valuable, placed on
the altar of my inner cathedral of identity
and order. Those things are not ones I often
INFJs crave connection. We want nothing more than
to find common ground, to dive into the depths of
an idea or a dream with someone who understands
our need to explore the deep rather than skimming
the surface. We tire quickly of the day to day
sensory conversations that permeate our world.
Statistics tell us that over 75% of Americans
identify as Sensors, and while we appreciate them,
they exhaust us as much as we confuse and tire
them. We want something deep and profound,
something that makes us feel we are not alone.
Yet even in those moments, there are some things
Those are the things about which we are silent.
We don’t trust easily. We don’t trust easily
at all. No matter where you grew up or what
your family was like, you wanted it to be
perfect, the way you felt it should be; the way
next dream. You never lost hope. We never do…
…but you lost trust in the people around you.
INFJs are often called “walking contradictions,”
idealists with the core of a cynic, counselors and
empaths with a dark streak of potential cruelty.
And it’s true. But the source of that dichotomy
comes from the glory of our internal world
coming into contact with the sad inadequacy of
the external one. It’s like putting a hot glass
into ice water - the opposites tear each other
apart. Yet hope is an inherent part of the INFJ.
We are people drawn toward the future, oriented
toward a holistic view of the world, it’s in our
nature. We want people to care about each other,
want people to notice each other’s needs and
we learn not to trust and we begin testing.
We disappear - to see if anyone notices our
absence. We don’t eat - to see if anyone notices
and takes care of us. We stop talking - just
to see if anyone was listening. It’s not a
healthy behavior; testing the people who say they
care about you isn’t nice or necessarily wise.
But we do it. When we test the people around
us, we’re calling out into the void, pulling on
the threads that bind us to one another. We’re
asking whether we really matter - who we are,
not just what we do for you. We are asking you
to affirm our value in your life by noticing us,
ask you to. Fail to see us, fail the test,
and we will step back, knowing that while we
may love you, you are likely to disappoint us.
It is the dissonance that hurts us. As INFJs
we come into this world with a sense of how
things should be, an innate knowledge of how
an encounter or a moment should play out.
to that same rhythm. It does not operate on how
things should be; it operates on how they are.
For an INFJ, it is the difference between the
inner and outer world, the constant dissonance
between the music of our soul and the chords
of reality that hurts us and makes us feel like
aliens lost in a world that has no place for us.
I cannot remember a time when I did not feel
that disconnect. My earliest memories are of the
desperate longing to be in the company of others,
to find the special connection I had read
longed for and imagined made real. But the
actuality was nothing like what I had dreamed
of. I found myself far more comfortable with
imaginary friends than with other children.
But there are those moments. Those precious
external one are in harmony. When it should
be is the way that it is. Those moments lie
scattered across our lives like priceless gems,
moments that give us a sense of peace and harmony
beyond the power of words. As we grow older, as we
understand ourselves better, we learn to recognize
those moments and to lose ourselves in their
precious harmony. It is only in those breaths of
wonder that we truly feel a part of this strange
world and genuinely feel that we are understood.
Sometimes, I ask myself…”is there value in
clamors for the epic, the moment of saving the
world, the bigger explosion, the master scheme,
and I find myself at a loss. I dance in the
moonlight, bathe in the song of a small brown
wren, find joy in an hour of conversation.
As an INFJ, I see the needs of those around
me in a way that I cannot ignore. They tug
at the edges of my vision, the edges of my
and I know that I can meet those needs, so
I do. And with every motion, I hope and pray
that someone will see me, someone will find
beauty in that service, someone will think of me
as the beam of moonlight. But those hopes
and prayers often whisper away in the breeze.
I am rarely grand and epic. I see the greater
of beautiful individuals mired in need and pain.
I am overwhelmed with so much, so I begin to meet
the needs of those around me, those I can. It is
not epic; it is small and simple. But I dream that
It is only in time alone that an INFJ can
remember who they are. In the normal bustle
of life there are thousands of us, shattered
pieces of a mirror, each reflecting a slightly
are parents, friends, mentors, customers,
and unlike other types, each one of those roles
is an instant identity, a full-fledged person
of a moment. Sometimes, we get lost in the myriad
of people we feel required to be in our lives. We
lose track of who we are because we are too busy
being who everyone else needs. It’s instinctive.
We do it without thought. And it leaves us feeling
broken, hollow, alone, and strangely undefined.
Only in the silence, when we are allowed to
explore our rich inner landscapes, can we truly
remember who we are, not who others expect
us to be. We lose ourselves in the cacophony
of expectations and needs, but we are never
gone. Perhaps the hardest thing is to preserve
the time to find ourselves, to stretch out in
silence and remember, without guilt, who we are
and what things make us feel alive, only to
be called back to who we are supposed to be.
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of INFJ wisdom? Let us know in the comments
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