8 Signs An Infj Is In A Toxic Friendship explores key ideas related to psychology, presented clearly and practically.
the INFJ is known to find connections where
they end up giving more than they get. Luckily,
it takes much more than just unequal give and
take for the INFJ to deem a friendship toxic
Welcome or welcome back PSYCH-Os! That’s exactly
what we’re going to be talking about today, how to
tell if an INFJ is in a toxic friendship. Before
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Alright, let’s jump right into it starting with..
Number 1: Attachment based on anxiety and fear
The first and most noticeable sign that a
friendship may not be what they expected it to
be, is finding that there is an underlying
In reality, no matter what personality type
someone is, if a platonic or romantic connection
is based on anxiety, obligation and fear of
loneliness, it may not be as genuine as hoped.
Whether the friendship instills fear in either
parties or the connection is surviving merely
on fear of being abandoned from one another, panic
and unease won’t sit right with the INFJ for long.
One example of this would be the INFJ’s fear of
saying no. This people-pleasing personality type
needs to question whether they are just sticking
around someone because they can’t bear to say no
and let them down. For the INFJ specifically,
in a genuine friendship built on trust and
understanding of each other. Plus, this attachment
style is similar to one of the key indicators
of abusive romantic partnerships - manipulation.
This is when someone has the upper hand on
the friendship by consistently convincing
the INFJ that they’d be lost without them.
This type of emotional abuse can really tear
an INFJ’s individuality down, leaving them feeling
trapped in a friendship that they aren’t happy in.
For the introverted and laid back INFJ, an abusive
friend is one that calls all the shots in the
friendship, regardless of the INFJ’s opinions or
emotions on the matter. This is where the unequal
give and take that the INFJ is normally quite okay
with in a friendship, becomes..well.. not okay.
Sure, this nonchalant type may be relaxed about
certain decisions being made, especially when
first meeting a new friend. However, when someone
takes those inherent traits and uses them against
the INFJ, it’s fair that they begin questioning
whether or not this friend is someone they should
be keeping around. Similar to the attachment based
on anxiety and fear, this imbalance creates a type
of power hierarchy, where the abusive friend takes
from the friendship, but never gives in return.
If it’s completely intentional, these abusive
friends often go for more emotionally vulnerable
characters who can be easily manipulated into
giving more than they get. Unfortunately, INFJs,
especially the less experienced ones, fall
into this category of emotionally or at least
empathetically vulnerable. Meaning they’re much
less likely to call their abusive friend out on
their actions, which is exactly what the abuser
looks for in their new so-called ‘friends.’
Real friendships are consensual, even when
the boundaries are somewhat unspoken. Ya,
we get it.. INFJs have trouble setting boundaries,
and for that reason, sometimes people can overstep
their invisible lines. But for the average
friendship, boundaries are unspoken rules and
are rarely communicated unless crossed. And even
though INFJs are also quite conflict-avoidant,
it doesn’t take much to know when they feel
they’ve been pushed past their boundaries. Now,
we’re not saying friends are toxic if they can’t
read between the lines of the non-verbal signals
the INFJ gives out. However, realistically, if the
INFJ is being used by someone for that someone to
fulfill their own desires, it’s quite obviously
a red flag. An example of this would be a friend
interpreting an INFJ being too busy to hangout as
a direct reflection of how the INFJ feels about
them. Unfortunately, this is another reason rather
manipulative people like to prey upon the INFJ
even in friendships, because they are less likely
to make their boundaries painfully apparent,
instead of thinking of boundaries as limiting
another person to what they can and can’t do,
livelihood stops and the other person’s begins.
INFJs know when they need a break. Although they
may not take it when they know they need it,
every INFJ comes to a place of exhaustion that
is hard to ignore. Whether it’s an old job,
a repetitive lifestyle, a draining relationship,
or for the purpose of today’s topic, a toxic
friendship - they can’t ignore burnout. Bickering,
clinginess, drama, jealousy, and high obligations
are all sure signs that an INFJ will reach burnout
without a friendship sooner or later. And while
it seems like a disadvantage when the INFJ is
knee-deep in some type of connection or issue,
burnout lets this introverted type know when
it’s time to pack it in and head home. Luckily,
when this intuitive type is pushed to mental,
emotional or physical exhaustion, it forces them
to remove themselves from the situation and
properly analyze everything they’ve observed
in order to have a clearer picture of what's going
on. A blessing in disguise, to put it simply.
If INFJs could carry around a literally personal
bubble they probably would, despite how difficult
it would be to get through doorways. Maybe
a simple T-shirt that states ‘please do not
touch or converse with without asking’ would
be a little more logical. All jokes aside,
the INFJ, who is known for their detest to large
crowds and physical gestures from strangers,
much prefer to keep to themselves; even within
a friendship. On the same topic of respecting
flirting and inappropriate physical touch
Now, no one said it was illegal to date your
friend, but for the INFJ, there’s a specifically
respectful way to approach that, and anything
else can make them feel rightfully uncomfortable.
No matter the gender, unwelcome touch and
remarks are tricky when it comes to friendship,
because if the INFJ were to ask them to stop, the
embarrassment may lead to serious defensiveness
from the other party. Yet, if the INFJ doesn't
speak up for themselves, their friend won’t know
where they stand. And even worse, in an abuser’s
eyes, an INFJ’s silence becomes their consent.
Number 6: You make excuses for their behavior
If an INFJ keeps an abusive friend around,
it won’t be long before other people begin
to notice the power imbalance and dissatisfaction
the INFJ silently exudes. And when the time comes
that someone mentions this observation, it’s not
rare for the INFJ to become defensive. Not only do
INFJs know better deep down inside, but despite
their individualistic nature, they deeply value
the connections they do have. So, when they
themselves begin to question the connection,
it can become a whole personal journey that
has very little to do with the abusive friend.
In fact, when INFJs are debating on whether or
not to give up on someone it becomes a personal
growth journey that feels so uncomfortable that
they usually try whatever they can to avoid it.
This is where the excuses come in. Naturally,
INFJs give people the benefit of the doubt, so
Maybe an INFJ will rationalize by telling
themselves that other people don’t have a
friendship that’s so complex and full of emotion
like them, and that those people are missing out.
Or maybe the INFJ feels they were called to
help this friend despite the rough patches.
Number 7: You can’t be yourself around them
Known for the chameleon charm, the INFJ can
basically make acquaintances anywhere they try.
in order to mirror it back to them. However, when
they’re so busy matching the frequency of others,
INFJs mask certain parts of themselves. So, when
is this quirky and introspective type supposed to
be themselves if not with their closest friends?
Sure, they may not let loose around their closest
friends to the extent that they would if they
were solely in their own company. But if the
INFJ can’t bring up their woo-woo conversational
topics and elaborate ideas without being judged;
or if they can’t laugh about their rather
in fear of being ridiculed or corrected by
their friend, maybe it’s not a right match.
There's an endless list of pet peeves that
INFJs have when it comes to human connection,
however, being challenged with a know it all
is definitely among the top few. No matter how
convincing some people are, no one really knows
it all, even the INTP personality type. However,
some people play a good game at convincing others
they shouldn’t ever be challenged. Whether they
just like the power of belittling others, or they
genuinely refuse to consider other possibilities,
if INFJs are constantly holding back their
views and opinions, it’s not a true friendship.
This toxic quality that you’ll find in most
abusive friendships is a tactic that makes it
easier for the abuser to gaslight the INFJ, making
them even question their own beliefs and sanity.
If this is happening to an INFJ, it’s important
for them to remember that abusers have a way of
wiggling themselves out of situations, they
always seem to have an elaborate explanation
or rationalization as to why they did something
wrong. And with those people, you will never win.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today’s video..So,
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