The Surprising Infj Love Language (How Do Infjs Want To Be Loved) explores key ideas related to psychology, presented clearly and practically.
own way of processing and navigating life,
every type has specific preferences when it comes
to how they receive love from others. For the
‘extroverted-feeling’ INFJ in particular, knowing
how they prefer to be loved can seem complicated,
and how to communicate these needs to others.
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successful author and couple’s counselor,
Dr. Gary Chapman, the INFJ personality type tends
to hold 2 specific love languages close to their
hearts. The 5 love languages including: words
of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts,
acts of service, and physical touch all have their
place in this type’s love standards. However,
when it comes to quality time, most INFJs seem
to see that as the most fulfilling way of showing
them love. In fact, MBTI author Heidi Priebe
conducted an online survey for each personality
type to decipher which acts of love are most
suitable.. With ‘quality time’ taking the top
place at over 35% of INFJs choosing that as their
most desirable love language. But is there an
explanation behind this considerably noticeable
Well, for the INFJ type in particular, quality
meaningful interactions with other people.
Especially when it comes to romance and family
relations, spending quality and attentive time is
a way for INFJs to feel important and in a way,
needed in that person’s life. Despite their
introverted and socially-reluctant nature,
love calms their subconscious fear of opening
up only to be abandoned. It reassures them
where the connection stands. This is mostly
because INFJs need time to feel others' energies
consistently in order to feel properly connected.
Plus, INFJs are frequently misunderstood and
tend to truly thrive when they get the sense that
someone finally “gets” them. Using quality time to
dive deeper into their inner world, and maybe even
playing therapist here and there is an automatic
brownie point in the INFJ’s book of love.
With quality time taking the cake, the second love
language that INFJs seem to value most comes in
the form of words of affirmation. Similar to their
need to feel important in someone’s life, a key
component of the INFJs' love preference comes with
feeling appreciated. And with a special connection
to metaphorical words and creative writing,
there’s no better way to show an INFJ just
how amazing they are other than simply noticing,
acknowledging and communicating that appreciation.
Whether they’re in need of a good pep talk to
shake them out of their self-critical habits,
an acknowledged appreciation of their efforts,
a cheeky compliment, or a simple ‘I love you’
can go a long way for this communicative type.
On a deeper aspect, words of affirmation play
right into the INFJ’s cognitive functions as well.
While quality time allows them the concentration
to process the connection on a deep level, words
of affirmation allow their secondary extroverted
feeling function to easily conclude how the other
person is feeling within the connection. This
takes the guessing game and mind work out of this
constant curiosity they carry within connection.
The 3rd placed love language of this study
resulted in physical touch. To some people with
this personality type who have yet to experience,
probably can’t fathom the thought of letting
someone into their personal bubble. Empathetic
and affectionate, the INFJ tends to hold a
considerably cautious nature around physical
touch. To put it simply, for the average person,
INFJs will happily provide a listening ear, but
will almost always draw the line at offering a
literal shoulder to cry on. They try to avoid
even the simplest of physical engagements such
as a greeted hug or a friendly pat on the back, if
they don’t know a person of a deep level. However,
when it comes to deep and valued relationships,
especially those of a romantic nature, the INFJ
personality type may actually surprise themselves
on just how much they value physical affection.
and more importantly they experience the level
of bonding they require in a connection when
cuddling and caring for their romantic partner
in return. Keep in mind, the key word here
is ‘behind closed doors’. We can talk for all
INFJs when we say PDA is out of the question!
in 4th place of the INFJ’s most preferred,
acts of service tends to be this type’s preferred
way of showing love over receiving it. Acts of
service come in the form of cooking, cleaning,
proactive planning, running errands, and doing
the rather monotonous tasks of day-to-day
life, so that another person doesn’t have to.
As FJ types, one of the main ways this observant
personality interacts with the world around them
is by actively identifying and meeting the
needs of others. While they don’t necessarily
strive for this people-pleasing attitude,
heart more than serving the appreciative people
around them. In terms of a romantic connection,
this type will actually feel more intune with the
connection when they are able to provide something
to their partner. However, like anyone, it’s nice
to have the favor returned every once in a while.
Since the INFJ doesn’t reserve this auto-pilot
need to serve others for only the people they
this energy. Someone they can both rely on,
And last but not least in the case of some INFJs..
Coming in at last place with no surprise,
is the love language of gift giving. With
sentimentality at the root of their loving
connections, materialism holds little value
to the INFJ personality type. In fact, when it
comes to romantic gifts, INFJ’s tend to prefer
a gift of a new experience where they can spend
their much valued quality time with their partner.
Whether it’s trying a new cuisine, going to see a
concert, trying a new sport, travel, or anything
in between. Making memories and fleeing their
comfort zone with the support of another is far
more desirable than receiving a new designer
purse or the newest Nike sneakers. This lack
of importance they place on materialistic gifts
can actually cause some friction in connections
where physical gift-giving is the partner’s
way of showing love. However, luckily, there
are exceptions to this disinterest in material
things. The INFJ will only fully appreciate a
given gift under 3 conditions. 1) It was bought on
a whim, because it made someone think of them. 2)
They’ve been talking about how useful an item
would be in their lives. Or 3) They can sense
the excitement in the gift giver, which alone will
give that item the sentimental value they require.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today.. So, which
love language do you personally most relate to
as an INFJ personality type? Let us know in the
comments below! Also, make sure to leave us a
like, share with your friends and also subscribe
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